Tarnished Heart

Young black woman, mid twenties I suppose
Living the life, surrounded by fun…and friends
Happy in her career
Climbing the ladder
Striving for ‘success’
But when the workday ends,
And the night, begins,
The loneliness sets in
She ventures out,
‘Striving’ for something totally different
She goes from
Man to man, date-to-date, club to club…
Searching, seeking, looking…for something
a deep longing in her soul, a thirst to be quenched
But every night, she returns
More empty,
More lonely,
Than before
She sits, and thinks, to herself
‘What’s the problem?’; ‘What is it about me?’
she thinks deeper, thinks harder,
Stops thinking and begins to feel…
Confused, rejected, emotions run amuck
Present day bag lady
The excess from her past weighs heavy on her heart
Tainted, and bruised, she remembers
The little girl she used to be
Innocent and naïve
And now that little girl still lives in her
She thinks again, memories run deeper
That man, twice her age
Came to her, making her feel…
Wanted, appreciated, accepted, and LOVED
Her daddy left her, so she never knew the feeling
But at the time, she didn’t understand
She wanted, he gave it; it felt right, she felt needed
But now that little girl, inside of her, hurts…weeps
Taken advantage of, and scarred, for life
So now she longs for,
But even still, fears, a man’s touch
She hunts for him, lioness on the prowl
But when he gets close
She remembers, shuts down, bottles up
The little girl resurfaces
He stole her innocence
Tarnished her naivety
Now all she wants, is to just be happy
But, how can she
The pain infringes on even the smallest possibility
So now at night she cries
Comforting the little girl inside
Not understanding why…

Heat of Our Love

How does the age-old verse go?
Mars made the man, Venus the woman
But what does that mean for you and me…
Complex, analysis; the heart of a woman
Holds on to much mess
Logical, statistical; the mind of a man
Always watching where his heart goes
But when they come together,
A woman’s touch so tender,
A man’s understanding so clever...
No other
Can put asunder
The love
Of Venus and Mars
When at the core, the two parts, two, comes together, and leaves only one…the sun

Untitled

Where does my beauty lie?
Young man, let you tell it,
And you’ll say it’s the jewel *i between my thighs
But I know
There is much more
To this lover
Than what meets the eye
My prettiful smile
Silky caramel skin
Dimple and a half on just…one…side
My curves
My shape
My hips so smooth
None of this accounts for a heart so true
My beauty’s not comparable
To the covers of magazines
Look at me through stained glass windows
The world’s view isn’t pretty
But my virtues
Love, hope, compassion, faith and grace
Make the beauty of me shine
From the depths of my soul
It exists in the deepest, innermost parts
Glances at my face allow you to see
The superficial beauty that is outside of me
Gaze into my eyes and you will feel;
Into my soul
Where does my beauty lie?

2010 Religion

doctrinated; traditionalized,
practice made perfection,
rehearsed; showboated...
my Creator is none of these
so when you ask me why I don't conform
it's because I'm free in Him
His love does not confine
His grace does not condemn
who am I to say,
and who are you to do the same?
it seems we've lost the meaning of it all
commercial capitalism is what we thrive on
the message is twisted, distorted
the teaching is empty, and lost
where does it end?
how do we escape from it all?
well it starts with the heart
compassion and grace
do unto him
and he'll do the same
my Creator is bigger
than a edifice filled with pretty, polished people
so thank you. but no thanks
I'll live *outside* of the b-o-x

ReneeISM

this is one out of the vault...


Why do I come off as a closed book?
Hiding behind walls of no emotion?
I will admit that I'm cautious...
But I think in efforts to not share too much,
I've forgotten how to share at all.
In an effort to guard my heart,
And all the emotions it encompasses,
I locked it up and threw away the key
And now I have no recollection
Of what deep ocean to which it's gone.
All I ever wanted was to not get hurt
And my wish has been granted.
Because now I can't even let myself go,
Enough to let n e one inside
Where they could possibly ever hurt me.
It surprises me when people say that I'm reserved
And that my innocence is a cover-up for something deeper.
But I now realize that they've all seen the truth
Because by keeping my emotions under lock and key
I've lost the ability to see myself and me...

Flawed Imperfections

am i not pretty enough
intellectual enough
nice enough
goofy enough
is my body not right enough
tight enough
are my clothes not fly enough
are my shoes not high enough
do i not love hard enough
or do i not chill out enough
am i not hard enough; are my emotions just way too much
what's the problem? what is it about me?
is it that they just cant accept me, *the real me*
well the one thing i refuse to do is change me
so one of these days he'll love me for me
despite everything wrong that he can see
cause the me that i am is the me that i'll continue to be
and at the end of it all that me is gonna be happy

Just Me...

I am no artist and certainly not a poet...I'm not very expressive and have never considered myself creative...but when i pick my pen up in my hand, with feelings jumbled all together inside, something happens when it meets the vast blank of my journal...words spew and phrases form...no explanation for the formation of lines that describe exactly what I'm feeling inside...all I can say is that these words are just me.

I am not trying to be, someone else, nor am I trying to prove a point...but the way that I feel after I've written it all out is a way that no one can provide for me. So here it all is...