Tarnished Heart

Young black woman, mid twenties I suppose
Living the life, surrounded by fun…and friends
Happy in her career
Climbing the ladder
Striving for ‘success’
But when the workday ends,
And the night, begins,
The loneliness sets in
She ventures out,
‘Striving’ for something totally different
She goes from
Man to man, date-to-date, club to club…
Searching, seeking, looking…for something
a deep longing in her soul, a thirst to be quenched
But every night, she returns
More empty,
More lonely,
Than before
She sits, and thinks, to herself
‘What’s the problem?’; ‘What is it about me?’
she thinks deeper, thinks harder,
Stops thinking and begins to feel…
Confused, rejected, emotions run amuck
Present day bag lady
The excess from her past weighs heavy on her heart
Tainted, and bruised, she remembers
The little girl she used to be
Innocent and naïve
And now that little girl still lives in her
She thinks again, memories run deeper
That man, twice her age
Came to her, making her feel…
Wanted, appreciated, accepted, and LOVED
Her daddy left her, so she never knew the feeling
But at the time, she didn’t understand
She wanted, he gave it; it felt right, she felt needed
But now that little girl, inside of her, hurts…weeps
Taken advantage of, and scarred, for life
So now she longs for,
But even still, fears, a man’s touch
She hunts for him, lioness on the prowl
But when he gets close
She remembers, shuts down, bottles up
The little girl resurfaces
He stole her innocence
Tarnished her naivety
Now all she wants, is to just be happy
But, how can she
The pain infringes on even the smallest possibility
So now at night she cries
Comforting the little girl inside
Not understanding why…